03-Jan-2007
LET'S SAY I'VE AVOIDED SLEEPING with a smoker prematurely and decided that, since I have serious asthma, a smoker isn’t quite the right gal for my future. Failing to return her phone calls is rude. Brutal honesty may get me blacklisted in the lesbian community, especially if smoker is someone well-liked. How do I know how to let her down easy?
* DO NOT use e-mail. Nothing said in an e-mail can ever fail to be insulting. This is the universal law of e-mail, and it is never to be scoffed at.
* DO use white lies, such as “I’ve realized suddenly I’m not quite ready to start dating again after all.”
* DO NOT use stupid lies. You can always tell a lie by its abundance of detail. Stupid lies are long lies. For example: “I’ve realized suddenly I’m not quite ready to start dating again after all. Another six years of celibacy, in a stone hut, in Ireland,should do it.” Stupid white lies are driven by guilt. Get a grip.
* DO sit with the guilt. Don’t act to alleviate it. Feeling guilty for rejecting someone you don’t even like is a reverse indicator. A reverse indicator is a bad feeling that happens when you do something right, but your bad upbringing has conditioned your to think it’s wrong. In the case of a lot of women, who are conditioned to protect other people’s feelings ahead of their own, guilt is a common reverse indicator.
