14-Mar-2007
11 Tips for Turning Out the "Straight" Girl
1) Play hard to get. Do not pursue. Make her do all the work. A woman who has never had an experience with another woman will often engage in the most audacious flirting, all while still convinced of her heterosexuality. Your job is to wait until she completely humbles herself, till she’s practically a nervous wreck. This rule is especially important when you are falling in love with her.
2) Be prepared to show her the time of her life. If you can't do this, leave the job for someone who can. Have plenty of lube on hand--and a spare set of batteries.
3) Be prepared to stay up all night, or as well the case may be, to stay in all day—and the next night and the next day as well. You may have trouble getting her to let you leave (or getting her to leave). In these cases, you may have to make a deal with her or promise to return in ten minutes. Ten minutes later call her on your cell phone and tell her something came up…like your life.
4) She may murmur the words “I love you” during her first experience. This is a common brain lapse. Do not take it literally.
5) Do not expect her to be good (in bed).
6) Do not be surprised if she’s a Pillow Princess at first.
7) Do not be surprised if she’s a natural, or even better in bed than you are. Count your blessings. Do not accuse her of lying about her experiences with women.
8) If she belongs to a conservative religious sect, or has gangsta connections, take pains to prevent the possibility of violent retaliation by her people.
9) Do not panic. Maintain a healthy tolerance and detachment from the emotional upheavals she may experience during her coming-out process.
10) Don’t be a dyke drama queen. Let the little things go.
11) Be willing to get hurt. There are no surefire rules to protect yourself.
This is not a Disneyland ride. This is life.
